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Lough Louder Live Longer!!!


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Mama: Mwanangu hebu mpigie simu baba yako mwambie chakula tayari.
Mtoto: Sawa mama
Basi mtoto akampigia simu babayake lakini hakumpata
Mtoto: Mama simpati
Mama: Basi subiri kama baada ya dakika tano mpigie tena inawezekana ni mambo ya network hayo.

Baada ya dakika tano mtoto akampigia tena  baba yake
Mtoto:Mama mimi baba simpati simu yenyewe anapokea mwanamke
Mama: kha! sawa mwanangu niachie mimi hili suala wewe nenda kale.
Baada kama ya dakika30 baba akabisha hodi  akakaribishwa na bonge la kibao hajakaa vizuri akapigwa na sufuria mara mwiko ikawa ni balaa kwa kwenda mbele mume akazidiwa mara majirani wakaja kuamulia ugomvi,lakini majirani walipofika wakakamkuta mume yuko chini ya sofa hoi bin taabani
Mama: Hivi we wa kunifanyia mimi hiviyaani unakwenda kwa wanawake zako na kuniacha mimi hapa nyumbani? mwanangu hebu waambie majirani yule mwanamke alipo pokea simu alisemaje?
Mtoto: Alisema simu uliyopiga kwa sasa haipatikani jaribu tena baadae!
………………………………….
KIFO NOUMA!!!
MAJAMBAZI yalivamia kanisa moja hivi na kuwaamrisha wote watoe mali zao kisha wanawaua lakini kwa kufuata alfabeti kuanzia A to Z.
Wakaanza kuwauliza majina mambo yakawa hivi….
Mchungaji akasema  mimi naitwa ZOSEFU ZOHANA.
Mzee wa kanisa  naye akadakia aaah mi naitwa ZOBADIA ZAMWELI.
Mwalimu wa kwaya kwa sauti ya kwanza akasema mmmmh!!! mi naitwaga ZAULO ZADAMU.
Shemasi  akamalizia mmm na mimi naitwaga ZESTA ZACOBO pia.
MTU WANGU WA NGUVU  WEWE UNGEITWA NANI HAPO????? MIMI NINGEITWA ZILADI ZAYO
…………………………………..
HUYU NI MKALI SANA…
Jamaa kakutana na msichana mzuri na mambo yakawa hivi.
Jamaa:Dada mungu kakupendelea maana kakupa vitu vyote isipokuwa kimoja tu
Dada:Kwa mshangao, Kitu gani hicho?
Jamaa:Hajakupa namba yangu ya simu nina uhakika
………………………………………
BOSS:Naskia unatafuta kazi lakini kompyuta unajua?
JAMAA:Sana tu mzee
BOSS:Unajua Microsoft Office?
JAMAA:Msema kweli mpenzi wa mungu mzee wangu,siijui lakini mkinielekeza iko mtaa gani nitafika tu mzee
……………………………………
NOMA SANAAA…
Jamaa walikua safarini wakapita mbugani. Mmoja akamwambia mwenzie umewaona Simba walee?. Jamaa akajibu kwa mshangao alaaaa! kumbe wale ndo Simba? Sasa pale Kaseja ndo yupi?.
………………………………….
MWANAMKE NOMA SANA..NI BINGWA WA KUGEUZA STORY
MKE wa KIBERA alikua yupo sebuleni ameketi na mumewe kwenye sofa huku akichat kwa sms na bwana mwengne wa pembeni. Katika zile chat zao yule bwana akamwambia kuwa hamtaki tena na waachane,basi mke akaanza kulia. Kuona vile KIBERA ikabidi amuulize mkewe kulikoni na mambo yakawa hvi.
KIBERA – He! mke wangu walia nini?
MKE – Ah! shangazi kanitumia sms ananifundisha jinsi ya kupika pilau.
KIBERA – Asa ndo ulie??
MKE – Ah! hapa ndo nimefika kwenye hatua ya kukata vitunguu, sasa vimeingia machoni.
…………………………………….


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For Example that you are the motorcicle Rider  a customer has  called you via cellphone at Guest House,after to reach there ,You find that the customer is your wife with another guy from in side the Guest house while holding hands, hugging and Kisses ardent!!The guy tells you that " Do fast as soon as you can so as her husband should not have to find she is absent at home!!If it was you what will you do?and where will you take her??



 

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